Chapter 1: Find Inspiration: Anywhere and Everywhere.

So where do I begin? I have so many things going on in my head, I need somewhere to jot it all down.

Since I have so much time on my hands nowadays, I need to make sure I take full advantage. It is crazy to think about how many things I didn’t get to do with working at my last job. It makes sense about why I was so depressed. I was missing out on life and everything it had to offer.

At this moment in my life, I’m trying to find inspiration in anything and everything. I’m reading different books, watching movies, documentaries, researching, reading various articles, learning different skills, planning trips…etc. I’m keeping busy. I’m in search of a passion I can seriously dive into. When I was growing up, I had this dream of being a famous singer. But when I realized no matter how much I practiced and how much I wanted it, I didn’t have that God given talent that was going to deliver me my first big break. Maybe that was the first part of me accepting myself and moving on. But that was the only time in my life that I was truly gung-ho about a career decision. Every other career choice I worked towards was always the back-up plan, then the back-up back-up plan, and you know where the story goes from there.

But after all of those different paths I decided to take on, one thing I wanted to eventually work towards was being my own boss. Mainly, I want to own my own restaurant. And I still plan on doing that someday but I know even if I had the money to invest in something so risky, that I am completely not ready to do that. It would fail tremendously. There is still so much out there that I need to learn and I know if I take every opportunity to do so, it’ll come in time.

I have also used this time to find inspiration in other women. It is 2017 and although more women are coming into power, we are still trailing behind. Donald Trump beat Hilary for the presidency and people are becoming shittier than ever before. I’ve never been your common girly-girl but I haven’t enjoyed being a woman this much before. I don’t consider myself a feminist (because there’s a ton of shit, i’ll let the boys handle) but I embrace being a woman whole heartedly. And maybe I feel this way because i’ve experienced gender discrimination first hand and the fact that I chose not to play the gender card in my last position, made me the bigger man. But the gender gap..it exists.

So I am taking this opportunity as a blessed American citizen to do everything in my power to bridge this gap. I will educate myself on as much as I can. Fill my brain with ideas and experience that will lead me to my brilliant idea (whatever that may be) to change the world for the better. I plan on coming out on top and not let my breasts get in the way…unless I can use them to my advantage (which would be completely different story..and probably not the one I want).

So this is the ending to chapter 1. Keep on reading to journey with me on how I end up changing the world….

“Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women’s denigration of themselves.” -Betty Friedman

-MG

Genesis

So here it is, my first blog post. I’m most likely connecting to about .00001% of readers out there but if you happen to stumble along my blog and even decide to start reading from the beginning, I am eternally grateful although your life is most likely just as boring as mine. But this is the beginning, or you can say the ending of the last year of my self-proclaimed twenties. With regards to recent events, I plan on using this last year to its maximum potential. And by recent events and full potential, I mean I quit my full time job and literally have all the time in the world to recreate myself and discover a new path or rather I say…a better path.

I quit my restaurant management position about a month ago. I’ve been in the service industry since I was 16 and I’ve always been great at it. I’m a people person, with high functioning anxiety, intense ADHD, and with a diagnosed “comprehension dyslexia,” whatever that means, and with a boost from adderall my mind is a limitless chamber of ongoing ideas. I’ve titled my blog “Inside a Dysfunctional Brain” because in order for it to function, I need to create action to my ideas instead of just sit here and wait for them to come to life. I’ve always been a daydreamer, creating images and fairytale stories in my mind, full of “what if’s” and “wouldn’t that be nice?” But its only taken me 29 years to realize that the only person limiting myself from creating the dreams I had in my head was myself.  I’ve lead my life on the dream of pleasing the people around me. I wanted to prove myself to everyone around me and quit being the joke I felt like everyone thought I was. Now the joke is on me. I am 29, I live at home with my parents, I am unemployed, and the 3 and a half year relationship with my ex-boyfriend has come to a unstable end.

I quit my job for a majority of reasons, reasons I don’t want to reexplore. The main reason was that I had become the opposite of everything I wanted to be. After reading “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck,” I realized I was giving too many fucks about things I didn’t give a fuck about! I was driven by values that were just skewed ideas of my real values. I was driven by the devil but emitting the illusion that I was Mother Theresa. Although I did have good intentions, they were blurred by my incorrigable bad attitude toward everything. But I’m about two months into the unemployment game and I can safely say that I’ve excorcised that demon. When I first started my journey to self betterment, I created a to-do list of what I wanted to get done and I’ve crossed out majority of those things. I’ve opened my mind into new possibilities. I’ve read more books, watched more movies, explored different career paths, improved upon my skills, learned new skills, and researched the web for anything that will help me find my path. I am so blessed that I have the ability to explore these things. I know this will take some major time, but if the end goal is my success and happiness, then its worth every minute.

So whether you are in the same boat as me, or need a good laugh while your enjoying your beer, here is the start of my journey to self discovery. Feel free to voice your thoughts or ideas, I need all the help I can get.

-Michelle
aka Meesh, Meech